OK HERE US OUT!
We usually associate the climate situation with an obligation to enjoy less abundance in life;
We’d like to challenge that.
We say; live luxuriously , live comfortably, live spontaneously...but live freely! Not the slave of impulse purhcasing and consumerism - we go to the shops, we come back with stuff - shops are good at this.
But above all let us live kindly...and with a sense of responsibility...
Thank you for visiting our site - there’s no silly questions please get in touch about what we do!
And so, our services are super simple and easy to comprehend.
Why are you laughing? - we think so anyway! OK in a NUTSHELL...a NUTCASE even?
If a car is needed - try and get us to do it for you instead!
If a van is needed even give us a chance to attempt it!
Hack the big distributors by ‘Last Miling’ or ‘First Miling’ maybe smiling in general OR;
if you are selling something maybe?
Anything which avoids a car journey! - this is our prime directive basically we are setting out to provide the economic and social backbone or nose-holding perhaps that is needed for us to move into a new way of living. We are described as a service economy let us set a new standard in the world - replace your car not with another car etc...just with a universal service provider like us - dodge those carbon points by tracking how much you are saving the planet! - and it will be by having more luxury in your life.
Transportation/Travel
Our staff have access to some wacky bikes, some are built right here in Edinburgh, we are pioneering with new forms of transport that really do have environmental credentials - no scooters, no combustion engine*if we can avoid it! It’s all about avoiding those car journeys and so ‘active travel’ is a no brainer - what is up for grabs is...who has to do the pedalling...as in; sit back, relax and let us do the riding around town for you!
Laundry & Dry Cleaning Pick up and Drop off.
We have relationships with the very best local laundrette and dry cleaners who will handle your whatevers - we offer pick up & collection - we of course bill separately for the cleaning costs - which will be to your liking, if not we will find a new service provider - we do not currently do this in-house however it is something we are investigating as it is a key area of domestic energy use. In general washing machines at these premises are of a greater efficiency level owing to their higher turnaround and so it is likely we are reducing impact slightly - IF carried by bike of course!
Multiversal Shopping - travel across the Insidious App-verse. Everything everywhere all at once.
We can collect goods that you have selected anywhere in the catchment zone of your service. This is our most inspired and sort of hilariously obvious - most apps these days are hustling via exclusive arrangements, deals etc
This can avoid a lot of inconveniences in terms of carry things etc Simply identify your items/goods to us for collection and the shop details. We could do this on the same day - if it will need to be a tomorrow collection we will let you know. This is a great way to keep something safe and secure, by leaving your purchase you are free to go our and not worry about high value or bulky luggage. We can deliver to hotels, home or even the tram stop for your trip to the airport if needed! - just like a five star concierge!
Taking stuff back! As above - we will tackle shops for you, get those complaints handled and things sorted out the way you want them! We are happy to represent you or provide live digital interventions and supervision while we address your needs from suppliers etc - Customer Service Representatives can be directed to us if that trust were to be delegated to our team you can expect the very highest competence and confidentiality.
We can provide help in dealing with
Part Services, planning suppliers and venues of entertainments of all kinds of tastes and maturity levels...shall we say! Not everyone is on the Harry Potter trail - but we are super happy to enable any specific interests or fascinations and have plenty local knowledge to offer wisdom and risk assessing of any plans made etc.
Special Occasions
Planning and even on-site management support could be provided also under a supplementary service contract. Let us know if you need party planning support.
Wait in line for new iPhone, wait in line for sale openings*don’t be ashamed we know you do it!
The trip to the gym and back - oh yes that’s a classic use the car temptation situation we would love to give you a lift alá velo. super fast point to point could be great options for a commuter ride on the back of one of our lovely bikes!
Being at home
Random stuff - pet care, maintenance works, repairs may demand that a person is around - we can provide this service when required.
Source, deliver and assemble flat-pack furniture
Your very own errand running and delivery service – out and about getting things done, but also at home waiting on tradesmen and deliveries and just taking care of the day-to-day things that hold you back from stuff you’d rather be doing!
Every car journey avoided is a win!
urban errands
Collecting a repair, returning a jacket that didn’t fit, a run to the chemist - you name it - we could go to Ikea for you, we could get your click and collect, we can get you anything you can think of - near instantly.
Last MIle - all your goods, a fraction of the carbon released
The key benefit we offer is the Zi zero emissions - use of cargo bikes inside our beloved city can have a huge impact on carbon emissions - both directly by not using great stinking van and also indirectly by reducing congestion and allowing other traffic such as people getting somewhere - shall be accelerated.
transport - chauffeur
Bike Taxi time! details of this to follow however we have an affiliate transport service - THE BIKE TAXI COOP
onelesscar
Needs; taken care of.
Wants & desires; the sky’s the limit!
“Digital overwhelm relief” *not that kind of relief calm down.
All a bit much on the internet these days... am a right?
Wouldn’t it be better if it were just a wee bit mare like the gid ole days?
Sometimes we really miss just dialling a local number...
Exchange pleasantries with a human who cares about what they are doing...
Like it maybe a casually familiar person you got something from previously...
The Professional familiarity of repeat business is very rare these days...
This has meant service quality down the pan and waste volumes through the roof...
Here’s our offer in this context - we describe ourselves as a
‘Universal Service Provider’
- now that’s next generation personal logistics baby oh yeah!
Everything everywhere all at once you might say - we’ll do our best to reduce your interactions with providers or suppliers that are toxic or an inconvenience but never take away a useful investment of your time or money quite the opposite - we are universal and that creates many benefits for you; our client - your choices will be based upon real life knowledge and not on some covert tech spying or whatever - service driven by the authentic you, Do all your requisitioning via a trusted reliable - only that which is most preferable - ducking lots of chaff and delays and holds etc
Room service at home anytime and there’s no more dishes ever again - who would possibly want that? if only it wasn’t too offensive to the lovely earth here...
The gig economy came alongside apps - apps now mean that the average person spends 29% of their leisure time doing the admin previously done by businesses in our communities rather than by tech or outsourcing.
We feel these aspects of our economy - our attention spans have been sold to proverbial tech satan in the name of high tech marketing - fair dos - it’s awesome sometimes isn’t it? Creepy though tad dystopian perhaps - but also it’s how you ended up reading this post so we don’t wanna moan like a Murtle about it - just trying to moderate our use is sensible - and there must come a point of saturation, If not in the market but in the consumers tolerance of being branded at all the time!
We made that statistic up about the amount of time spent on digital admin - but certainly in that ball park am I right?? Nightmare stuff - 70's sci-fi territory again here we go.
Green Hospitality is luxury with respect for our world etc -when catering to the executive this is if anything easier actually.
Executive Services to your door, when and how it’s convenient for you NOT someone else.
Unlimited retail scope means you can use all the apps for browsing for what you want - then fire it over to us to source, price beat if we can - source it locally with less emissions. Very good chance that we can do this quicker than 24hrs. 24hrs is our standard turnaround - however if one needed something very fast - this is doable at first class rates.
You will never have to login to anything for us - promise!
Exclusively Human Provided Services
Everything by bike guaranteed
Our Zi stands for zero emissions - which is a goal as we are charging from the grid - soon we will be guaranteed renewably charged from projects within Edinburgh.
However we use exclusively either pedal or pedal assist vehicles and so our impact. This is at it’s most effective in congested, urban but also quite fancy parts of the country.
Bikes have been found to provide city centre logistics at 65% faster than van logistics. This is due to their ability to bend time and space and travel down wormholes we commonly know as ‘bike paths’ it is not uncommon for tasks to be completed never entering traffic.
REDUCED TECH EXPOSURE
MULTIVERSE OF RETAIL
To avoid our clients having to engage with tech or apps for the day to day tasks outsourced to us. ‘tasking’ is done by the long lost art of talking...it’s a thing we used to do before the internet.
Free yourself from being locked into someone else’s billing eco-systems by subverting the retail mechanisms that keep you stuck within one set of retailers and providers - we can do anything!
This brand is also aiming to stand out from the crowd by prioritising return on investment from accessing all the human benefits of not having to use apps, but rather talk to a nice person who will do that for you...This is mainly for shopping, booking and ordering stuff;. we do the unhealthy bits for you instead while you go about the business of being you, free yourself to do other things. We do not judge, we just ride bikes for you - ask us anything!
We are your provider and you are our priority not our mates we want to sell you off to or pass you on to another provider for things we offer - we are the one app service barrier you need - you literally outsource all your shopping to a trusted zi operator who will do market research for you and make all arrangements for you.
Billing for all this; we can be flexible - we are strictly motivated to eliminate car or van trips in the city this is our goal so we try to offer the most flexible payment methods possible.
MONTHLY ALL INCLUSIVES
by arrangement with your conzierge we pair you up with - we have a draft contract ready to go to enable negotiating and planning your service contracts. Terms and Conditions will be fully agreed before services begin.
HOURLY RATES or BY THE TASK MENU
Your Conzierge will have a ‘Menu’ of tasks they are happy to do under a per task basis with variable conditions - we do not micromanage these prices and services. We will provide you with billing in advance for these services.
