Jim Croce

If I could save time in a bottle

The first thing that I'd like to do...

Is to save every day 'til eternity passes away

Just to spend them with you.

If I could make days last forever

If words could make wishes come true

I'd save every day like a treasure, and then

Again, I would spend them with you

But there never seems to be enough time

To do the things you want to do once you find them

I've looked around enough to know

That you're the one I want to go through time with

If I had a box just for wishes

And dreams that had never come true

The box would be empty

Except for the memory of how they were answered by you

But there never seems to be enough time

To do the things you want to do once you find them

I've looked around enough to know

That you're the one I want to go through time with

Parental Alienation

Parental Abduction

A Family Abduction occurs when a child is taken, wrongfully retained, or concealed by a parent or other family member depriving another individual of their custody or visitation rights.

CHILDREN DO NOT REJECT unless taught. the behaviour is irrefutable evidence of coercion of the child.

CHILDREN do not reject their parents. this is not a thing. parents can fail to bond with children but tiny babies are bonding machines. THe only reason it happend is the other parent messing with them intentionally for the purpose of coercive control and producing harm.

If you haven’t been alienated you will notice that you will tolerate a parents failings endlessly - the unconditional love of a child. A deeply disturbed parent will coerce the child in a manner to destroy that and replace it with the true reality of their horrible internal true nature - projection always it is this.

The Strategies of Alienation

Mild parental alienation

Child may resist visits with the other parent, but then enjoy their time when they are along with their mom and dad, and away from the alienated parent.

Moderate parental alienation

These kids resist time with the alienated parent, and remain resentful during their time together.

Severe parental alienation

Severely alienated children not only resist time with the other parent, but also actively run away or otherwise act fearfully to not be around that parent.

• A campaign of denigration against the targeted parent
  
• The child’s lack of guilty feelings for rejecting the target parent
  
• When asked, the child gives irrational and frivolous reasons for the criticisms of the targeted parent
  
• The child paints the parents in black and white — one parent can do no wrong, while everything the second parent does is horrible.
  
• A knee-jerk defensiveness of everything about the favored parent
  
• A child who parrots the favored parent's words, often using phrases of an adult to describe the rejected parent, or citing scenarios that he or she heard the favored parent speak about, but did not himself experience.
  
• Spread of the child’s animosity toward the target parent’s extended family or friends.
  
• A child suffering from parental alienation often insists that his feelings are entirely his own. The child might call his father to say: “I don’t want to come to your house anymore. Mom had nothing to do with this decision, I made it all on my own.” The alienating parent is quick to protect the child’s “right” to choose whether he wants to visit his parent.
  
• Children may show warmth and affection towards the targeted parent when alone with them, but then speak poorly of them to others, including the alienating parent.
  

What are the signs of parental alienation?

In her book Working With Alienated Children and Families Amy J. L. Baker, author of Co-Parenting with a Toxic Ex, identifies these 17 toxic signs that a parent aims to alienate:

For more tips on co-parenting with an ex, read Co-parenting rules—even with a difficult ex

“Severely alienated children express extremely polarized views of their parents; they have little if anything positive to say about the rejected parent and often rewrite the history of their relationship to obscure positive elements …Severely alienated children treat the rejected parent with extreme hostility, disobedience, defiance, and withdrawal … These children harbor strong and irrational aversion toward a parent with whom they formerly enjoyed a close relationship. The aversion may take the form of fear, hatred, or both.

Alienated children’s thoughts about their parents become highly skewed and polarized. They seem unable to summon up positive memories or perceptions about the rejected parent, and have difficulty reporting negative aspects or experiences with the favored parent. They rewrite the history of their relationship with the rejected parent to erase pleasant moments.

With children who are severely and irrationally alienated, critical thinking about parents is nowhere in evidence. Instead the children demonstrate knee-jerk support of the favored parent’s position in any situation where the parents disagree.

Parentification

Parentification occurs when parents look to their children for emotional and/or practical support, rather than providing it. Hence, the child becomes the caregiver. As a result, parentified children are forced to assume adult responsibilities and behaviors before they are ready to do so

Some examples of parentified behavior include: Caring for younger siblings: When a child is parentified and has a younger sibling, they often assume a parental role in their sibling's life. The type of responsibility they take on for their younger sibling will depend on the child's age

You know you were parentified if as a child you have to step up as the caretaker, mediator, or protector of the family. Parentification is a form of mental abuse and boundary violation.

Parentification can occur when one or both parents have mental health issues and it seems to be common in narcissistic families where the family is structured around getting the needs of parents met, rather than providing a healthy environment where children are nurtured.

This type of trauma can lead to significant psychological distress and can be considered a form of emotional abuse. Parentification can be a significant burden for a child and can lead to long-term mental health issues. Parentification trauma can lead to symptoms of PTSD, including flashbacks, anxiety, and depression

Sexualisation of children, comparisons regarding body shape, size appearance in general is sexualisation - seeing them as a competitive threat for the attention of the other parent.

Pairing off infants with other children - as boy friends and girl friends, preoccupation with childs love life partner selection interference, pressure to provide grandchildren to please parents.

Coercive Control

Coercive control refers to continuous patterns of behaviour that are intended to exert power or control over a survivor. These behaviours deprive survivors of their independence and can make them feel isolated or scared. This can have a serious impact on a survivor’s day-to-day life and wellbeing.

Coercive control can be tricky for survivors, and those around them, to recognise because the tactics used can be subtle and escalate slowly. Coercive control in a relationship is a recognised form of abuse.

• Isolating you from your family or friends.
  
• Controlling what you eat, wear, or do.
  
• Controlling who you are allowed to see or spend time with.
  
• Preventing you from accessing support.
  
• Gaslighting.
  
• Monitoring your behaviour (online or in person)
  
• Tracking you, for example, using your phone or car.
  
• Controlling your finances, for example, through your ability to earn money or what you spend money on
• Emotionally or physically threatening or intimidating you
• Threatening to disclose information about you publicly
• Humiliating or degrading you
• Repeatedly putting you down
• Making you feel fearful or scared of non-compliance

Custodial

Interference

Custodial interference refers to a parent breaking court determined custodial instructions. This can be as major as taking a child from the sole custodian or as minimal as calling a child more than directed.

Mother/ Daughter Enmeshment

Mother-daughter enmeshment occurs when the roles between mother and daughter become blurred. This enmeshment results in the daughter having less autonomy and independence. Narcissistic tendencies in the mother can exacerbate enmeshment, leading to a dynamic of narcissistic mother-daughter enmeshment.

• Your mom puts unrealistic demands on your time and attention. ...
  
• You feel responsible for your mom's emotional well-being. ...
  
• You lie to your mom to avoid disappointing her. ...
  
• You rely on your mom for money. ...
  
• You allow her to handle your responsibilities.
  

In enmeshed families, these kinds of healthy boundaries don't exist. Parents overshare personal information. They don't respect privacy. They rely on their child for emotional support or friendship. They don't allow children to make their own decisions and mistakes.

Munchausen/Fabricated

Factitious/malingering illnesses.

Factitious disorder is a serious mental disorder in which someone deceives others by appearing sick, by purposely getting sick or by self-injury. Factitious disorder also can happen when family members or caregivers falsely present others, such as children, as being ill, injured or impaired.

People with Munchausen syndrome often experience traumatic childhood experiences, like abuse from family members, loss of a loved one at a young age, and abandonment.

People with Munchausen syndrome deliberately produce or exaggerate symptoms in several ways. They may lie about or fake symptoms, hurt themselves to bring on symptoms, or alter tests (such as contaminating a urine sample). Possible warning signs of Munchausen syndrome include: Dramatic but inconsistent medical history

The DSM-5 differentiates among two types:

• Factitious disorder imposed on self (Munchausen syndrome)
  
• Factitious disorder imposed on another (Munchausen syndrome by proxy), defined as: When an individual falsifies illness in another, whether that be a child, pet, or older adult.
  

Factitious disorder symptoms involve mimicking or producing illness or injury or exaggerating symptoms or impairment to deceive others. People with the disorder go to great lengths to hide their deception, so it may be difficult to realize that their symptoms are actually part of a serious mental health disorder.

Often, people with Munchausen by proxy are healthcare workers. Therefore, they know how to induce particular symptoms in their children. Therefore, their doctors are unable to diagnose a specific illness.

In short, while both involve the fabrication of symptoms, the key difference between factitious disorder and malingering lies in the motivation behind these actions. Factitious disorder is driven by a psychological need to be seen as sick, whereas malingering is motivated by external benefits.

The sick role

Malingering requires that deception be motivated by an external incentive. A diagnosis of factitious disorder requires that the deception occur even in the absence of an external incentive

Several factors have been identified as possible causes of Munchausen syndrome. These include: emotional trauma or illness during childhood – this often resulted in extensive medical attention. a personality disorder – a mental health condition that causes patterns of abnormal thinking and behaviour

Munchausen syndrome by proxy abuse is associated with an extraordinary gender disparity, which is not found in other forms of child abuse. Though boys and girls are similarly abused, the perpetrator is nearly always female and is the child's mother.

Often, people with Munchausen by proxy are healthcare workers. Therefore, they know how to induce particular symptoms in their children. Therefore, their doctors are unable to diagnose a specific illness

What causes Munchausen syndrome?

• emotional trauma or illness during childhood – this often resulted in extensive medical attention.
  
• a personality disorder – a mental health condition that causes patterns of abnormal thinking and behaviour.
  
• a grudge against authority figures or healthcare professionals.
  

Munchausen syndrome by proxy, in which a seemingly caring and concerned mother is simultaneously harming her child, can best be understood in terms of the mother's need for a relationship with a physician that is rooted in a profound sense of early abandonment. This understanding broadens the definition of perversions. The infant in this sadomasochistic interaction is dehumanized and is used as a fetishistic object to control the relationship

Glasgow City Council Report on Munchausen by Proxy etc Factitious Disorder (& FD by Proxy)

Factitious disorder is a serious mental disorder in which someone deceives others by appearing sick, by purposely getting sick or by self-injury. Factitious disorder also can happen when family members or caregivers falsely present others, such as children, as being ill, injured or impaired.

Fabricated/Induced Illness. (FII)

• FII is a form of child abuse with boys and girls equally affected.
  
• It is perpetrated by those who have care of the child (usually the mother) and usually involves secondary medical services. It may be first manifested in primary care, consequently it may be detected first by GPs
  
• FII is seen in children of all ages. The reported severe or most dramatic events are usually seen in children under the age of 5 years – newborns in particular are most likely to be harmed. However, there is a spectrum of significant FII across age groups. The long term psychological effect on older children may result in them inadvertently colluding in the sick role
  
• with their carer.
  
• Although relatively rare, this should not undermine or minimise its serious
  
• nature or the need for practitioners to be able to identify when carers are
  
• fabricating or inducing illness in children.
  
• FII is a spectrum of disorders rather than a single entity. At one end less
  
• extreme behaviours include a genuine belief that the child is ill. At the other end the behaviour of carers includes them deliberately inducing symptoms by administering drugs, intentional suffocation, overdosing, tampering with medical equipment, and falsifying test results and observational charts.
  
• Recognition of FII depends, in the first instance, on medical or paediatric clarification of the objective state of the child’s health. followed by detailed and painstaking enquiry involving the collection of information from many different sources and discussion with different agencies, e.g. social services, general practice, health visitors, schools, and when clearer indications of FII, the police.
  
• Affected children also live in a fabricated sick role and may eventually go on to somatise or simulate illness themselves and be diagnosed with hypochondria.
  
• Illness induction can cause death, disability and physicals illness. Both induction and fabrication can lead to emotional problems. There are significant risks of re-abuse. Following identification of FII in a child, the way in which the case is managed has a major impact on the developmental outcomes for the child. (Anne Lazenbatt and Julie Taylor, July 2011).
  
• Studies that bring together reported cases of FII suggest that the most common presentations are apnoea, diarrhoea and seizures. Males are no more likely than females to be subject to this type of maltreatment and the perpetrator is the mother in most cases. When to Suspect Child Maltreatment, Clinical Guideline, July 2009 (revised update Dec 2009) (Page 63), NICE
  

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APPENDIX 2: INDICATORS OF HARM

The following is a list of indicators which may suggest concern regarding FII.

Over time the child is repeatedly presented with a range of signs and symptoms of various illnesses.

There tends to be no independent verification of reported symptoms.

Signs found on examination are not explained by any medical condition from which the child is known to be suffering.

Medical tests do not support any reported signs and symptoms. Claiming symptoms which are unverifiable unless observed directly.

The response to prescribed medication and other treatment is inexplicably poor.

New symptoms are reported on resolution of previous ones.

Since it was first identified in 1977, Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy has uniquely affected the way in which the medical and legal communities deal with the issue of child abuse. Inherent in the medical response to the disease are issues of suspicion, investigation, identification, confrontation, and, of course, the health of an innocent child. Given the deceptive dynamics of this disease, however, denial and disbelief naturally overshadow every action taken by medical professionals in pursuing these issues. Fortunately, as medical knowledge about the dynamics of the disease continues to develop, medical professionals become more willing and better able to identify the disease and focus their response on the safety of the child. The greatest problem in prosecuting Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy is that judges and juries remain unwilling to accept the reality of the disease. Consequently, in an effort to confirm medical suspicions and quell legal doubts, the medical community has resorted to covert video surveillance of the abuse while it is being perpetrated in the hospital. In this Article, Flannery argues that this response is an unnecessary and unethical, means of preventing Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy and protecting the child. Flannery supports the approach taken by the Family Court of New York in addressing Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy cases. The Family Court of New York recognizes the unique dynamics of this bizarre disorder, and, therefore, considers all cumulative circumstantial evidence in a Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy case, comparing the facts of the subject case to the commonly accepted features of confirmed cases. Part of the circumstantial evidence that should be considered, Flannery argues, is the dissipation of the child's condition upon temporary separation from the alleged perpetrating parent. As is done by the Flannery Court of New York, a res ipsa loquitur standard should then be applied, and an appropriate disposition for the child should be determined. By employing this standard, the court may confirm suspicions of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy while avoiding the unnecessary harm to the child inherent in the covert video surveillance of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy.